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Pierre Poilievre is hot for rough old wood — but not in weird way

A screengrab from a recent Pierre Poilievre campaign video posted on Twitter.

Do you want wooden? Certain. I like wooden as a lot as the following man. However not as a lot as Conservative Occasion management hopeful Pierre Poilievre, who has dropped one other unhinged video and it’s all about wooden as a result of wooden is what this unusual man actually likes.

Plaid-shirted Poilievre greets us inside his picket home caressing a vertical uncovered picket beam together with his fingertips and enthusing, with theatrical pauses and little bursts.

You are reading: Pierre Poilievre is hot for rough old wood — but not in weird way

“Take a look at these … scars. Each represents the swing of an axe … by a logger transformed by hand … logs into … posts and beams that grew to become the bones of … barns that dotted the countryside of Canada for a whole lot of years.” (However nobody says “countryside.”)

Poilievre subsequent strokes his boards, sorry, partitions. He might have purchased all of them clean and fancy however no, Mr. Genuine, “needed to scrape off all of the shit and dirt and particles as a way to carry out this lovely honeycombed exterior.” In different phrases, his partitions are tough, scratchy and splintered; I guess his spouse hates them, they have to be homicide on sweaters and babies.

However Poilievre is making a deeper level and oh no, we’re again stroking the thicker wooden. Hearty Canadian lumberjacks of yore, “didn’t invent this beam. The beam was all the time there contained in the log.”

Is that erotic? Somebody thinks it’s.

Twitter definitely did. “Discover somebody who seems at you the best way Pierre Poilievre seems at an antivaxxer or a bit of wooden,” it suggested. “Poilievre appears to be attempting to take a bit of wooden on a date.”

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The nice @mynamesnotgordy thought the wooden was simply one other passing fancy. “Two days later Pierre spots an outdated hubcap by the aspect of the street and produces a five-minute video explaining how outdated misplaced hubcaps are like bitcoin.”

Extra tweets. “Why did Pierre Poilievre go to a financial institution with a sack filled with wooden chips? To open a shavings account.”

“Why does Pierre Poilievre love romcoms? As a result of they’re sappy.”

That was final evening at my home. I made my literate British husband (he seems at Wordle and says “LILAC, clearly”) watch Poilievre play lumberjack to fiddle music (however why not The Carpenters?).

Puns, I stated. I’m axe-ing for puns, knock on wooden. Is he forming a splinter celebration? A chip off the outdated Bloc? Which department? Why knot? We noticed that video. Ought to he nail that beam? Or screw it? Poilievre, thick as two brief planks. Is Poilievre, who has spoken about being adopted, in search of his roots? He’s actually hammering his message house.

However what message? Critics say Poilievre was providing coded racism, calling out to “old-stock” Canadians whereas sitting subsequent to a gasoline fire calling out to Western Canada’s hewers of coal and drawers of oil.

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I do overthink issues however puzzled if he was expressing a deeper human drive, just like the profound forest love of the 18th century German Romantics that lingers to at the present time, a timber-themed heimat that the historian Simon Schama warily refers to as an “oak fetish.” Canada’s huge northlands do fill our soul.

The issue is that Poilievre doesn’t like forests and even timber, simply wooden, even higher, “reclaimed” wooden that — violins swell — “reclaims” the freedoms Canadians loved earlier than Trudeaus had been invented, when that beam was just a few dumb tree trunk doing nothing helpful for white settlers buzzing for barns.

To create Canada, he says, males “simply needed to slice off the outside rounded elements.” To make it “sq.” and earn its maintain. You see why Skippy’s fan base is overwhelmingly male. Voters with exterior rounded elements don’t like him. No purpose.

I sat on our new deck constructed by pleasant younger city skate boarders of contemporary pressure-treated wooden, none of this sandpaper reclaimed nonsense, at provide chain’s inflated costs however within the third 12 months of the pandemic we simply wanted a spot to take a seat.

I discovered no political or racial which means in it, simply clean, flat wooden. It smelled of sawdust, of modernity.

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